In which I express my feelings rather than study for exams

I suppose, now I’ve gotten more exposure to the opposite sex, I understand a bit better. Why it’s so hard.

To wait.

I always figured it was easy, black and white—a solid brick wall you just can’t pass, and that’s that. I’ve decided to wait for marriage, so that’s what I’ll do. Piece of cake. Right?

Well, yes, that’s still the plan. But I think I get it now, or at least understand it better. When you get closer to someone, if there is a physical attraction, it’s strong. Powerful. I can feel it now, gripping like a vice, puling and working my insides like taffy. The alarm bells ring frantically in my head, warning, warning, but they don’t stop the wanting. The wanting comes through loud and clear.

It’s like powerful magnets. The closer they come together, the stronger the attraction, and the harder it is to keep them apart. Get them too close, and you have no more control—they snap together, whether you want them to or not. I’m scared that I can have such a powerful emotional reaction when all the while my more reasonable faculties assure me that anything that wouldn’t make it into a PG movie is a BIG mistake. I know that. I do. I just…hm.

I can’t help my emotions, but I don’t have to act on them. I can recognize them. I can channel them. I am in control, whether my body thinks so or not. I am in control. I am in control.

Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll be true.

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