School sucks.

Hello everyone ūüôā I probably won’t get a chance to write for real until winter break, but I hope you’ll come back after the drought.

Being a humanities-oriented person in engineering school is a thoroughly unpleasant experience. I’m¬†so curious to see what I think of my decision to pursue engineering after it’s all over. Right now, I think I was an idiot, but I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot, so we’ll see.

I’m taking 18 credit hours of engineering classes, I’m absurdly overloaded and overstressed, and if I do really well for the rest of the semester, I’ll still get my first C I’ve ever gotten in a class. Two of them, in fact. So basically I’m just looking forward to it all being over.

Anyway, I’ll stop being depressing and just post a depressing poem ūüėČ



Jan 28, 2014

I want something real.

I want something lasting.

I want someone to have and to hold till death do us part.

The commitment part, the responsibility, the adult bits? Those can wait. I’m in no rush.

But I want to find that person, that man I can see beside me for the rest of my life. I don’t want to get married anytime soon. But I do want to see that door open and know it is a possibility.

A year ago I wanted a relationship. Any relationship, really. Sure, I had a couple crushes, but if pretty much anyone approached me I would have been willing, because I craved the recognition. I worried about shared values, interests, etc., but put those worries on hold. Why not just give it a shot and see how it goes? Continue reading

The Sound of Violence

hello darkness my old friend
I wish this haze would never end
because a vision softly creeping
has left me broken and weeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
left me insane
struck to the ground
by violence

in restless dreams I walked alone
saw the blood upon the stones
neath the halo of a street lamp
I saw her dying in the cold and damp
and my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
red in the night
struck to the ground
by violence Continue reading

Mini-Me Monday: The Bank

Back in the day, I was an equestrian. Near the end of my horseback riding career, I experimented briefly with eventing. If I had the time, I’d love to explore riding cross country more, but for now, the memories will have to suffice.

Written circa 2007, this was my go-to “describe an obstacle you’ve overcome” or fear-conquering story.

Eventing.¬† What a nondescript word.¬† Maybe it hints of competition; but what kind of competition?¬† A sport?¬† What sport?¬† Let me solve the mystery for you: eventing is a type of horseback riding that includes three different events: stadium, dressage, and cross country.¬† I recently began eventing at a new barn and learned the different types of riding in eventing.¬† Stadium consists of jumps set up in an arena; I have done stadium for about three years.¬† Dressage is complex flatwork (no jumping), so I know the basics for dressage.¬† However, I had never done cross country, which incorporates riding over many natural jumps like logs and banks.¬† Cross country is by far the most thrilling‚ÄĒand frightening‚ÄĒevent. Continue reading

public service announcement

HEY EVERYBODY! It’s me! Yes, really me! Not Mini Me or distracted poet me or vague scheduled posts me, but me writing, here, now, to you, for you.

First off, I’m SOOOOOORRY. This whole blogging while in college thing is really hard, so props to those of you out there who somehow manage to keep it up. I’m amazed and inspired by you.

I’ve been trying to keep things going here, and I’ve managed to put out a post or two each week, but based on the major dropoff in readership¬†I think my efforts may be a bit lackluster. My first day of classes was August 25th, so I’ve officially been in school a month now. It SUCKS. I’m taking six classes, 18 credits plus a one-credit audit (if you count the audit, seven classes) and I’ve already flunked at least one exam. I actually should be studying for my fluid mechanics exam RIGHT NOW, but I wanted to check in with you all and say hello in person, so to speak.

Anyway. School is crazy stressful and I want to write more, but reposting old work (mini-me’s) and typing up the occasional poem I write in class is about all I’ve been able to manage. I would like to do more, but I’m struggling. I’m 75% finished with the story of my orientation weekend, so hopefully that will come along soon, with more stories to follow.

I really gotta go study, so for now, have a poll!

Eaten by the pizza

Last Saturday, I tried something new. Daring. Exciting. Horrifying.

The Pointersaurus Pizza Challenge was the craziest attempt at eating I’ve ever made, and that’s including all those Thanksgivings that left me more stuffed than the turkey.

Believe me, I was prepared. I’d been drinking a gallon of water every evening to stretch out my stomach. I ate half of a 20-lb watermelon for dinner the day before to make sure I could handle the volume. The day of the eating challenge, my teammate and I were jazzed and ready.

Even after seeing the massive 28-inch, 11-lb, sausage-and-pepperoni pizza come out of the oven, we were optimistic we could finish it within the hour. No amount of suffering could keep us from the $500¬†prize winnings — we had our 80s montage music playlist playing and everything.

Our Pointersaurus. Yes, the actual pizza we (almost) ate.

Our Pointersaurus. Yes, the actual pizza we (almost) ate. That box is a yard wide.

Continue reading

Ritual Butterfly Cleansing

eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah
eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah

rattle shakes
flames flicker
tattooed eyes dart and quiver
shaman dances ’round the fire
smoke billows from the pyre.

eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah
eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah

wings are torn
body burned
flying beauty slain and spurned
shaman crushes ‘neath his foot
insect majesty ground to soot.

eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah
eeloeiah eeloeiah
aripoa mata ooeiah

fluttering stopped
life ended
guttering flames unattended
anxiety gone, stress relieved
ritual complete, goal achieved.

Polytheistic Wrath

Rushing, racing,
Darting, zooming,
Striking, smashing,
Crashing, caroming:
Shiva’s chaos,
Grown and blooming.

Burning, flaming,
Flashing, fuming,
Crushing, cursing,
Damning, dooming:
Zeus’ lightning,
Bright and looming!

Rumbling, roaring,
Boiling, bursting,
Erupting, pluming:
Great Thor’s thunder,
Fierce and booming!

Present, past,
From age to age,
God or mortal,
Fury, sage:

Mini-Me Monday: True Commander

The assignment: write a story that somehow incorporates the fall of Rome.

It could have been a couple of pages long. I certainly don’t think it was intended to be longer than three¬†or maybe four. I gave my teacher seven single-spaced pages. Eight, if you include the (not required) cover page. I dunno why, but I took the prompt and ran with it. I toyed with the idea of developing it into a book or writing a sequel story, but it never happened. Feast your eyes upon the historical fiction of junior high school Maria!

Note: I fought off my urge to edit, so it’s basically untouched since 7-8 years ago. Do let me know what you think of it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I have several critiques for junior high Maria, but I’m going to hold off¬†for now so I can hear what you think first.

True Commander cover photo

Without bothering to remove his mud-smudged armor, Claudius stormed angrily into his tent and threw himself upon his cot.  What had Aurelian been thinking?  Aurelian, the leader and general of the rebel Roman army, had once again lost a battle against Rome due to his arrogance.  How had it happened?  Why had Aurelian let it happen? Claudius asked himself heatedly.  But he knew perfectly well how and why they had been defeated.

Continue reading